When I first moved here, I was going from Chicago to Evanston every day, and every day in dowtown Chicago I passed a men's clothing store that had this embossed on all of its windows:
"In the professional world, man is judged on the basis of his appearance."
I hate that store, what a load of crap to have to carry around with you every day if you have to live in that professional world!
I was also worried a little bit when I first moved here that I was going to change, living in such a big place. Would I become less nice, more bitter, unable to deal with the overwhelming knowledge of poverty and hunger and sorrow that exist here? Would I feel insignificant when faced with the absolutely unknowable mass of city and the gazillions of people in it? It is depressing to live in a huge city and feel totally alone.
I am still afraid that I am changing, and not in ways that I like. I do feel bitter, a lot of the time, and alienated and helpless and angry at myself for being so utterly incapable of finding a niche here. I'm searching for a place to belong and just failing so miserably. Is it possible to spend two years somewhere and never find a community to call your own? Physically, I'm sure it is, but what are the mental repercussions?
So my question remains: Has moving here changed me for the worse? I don't believe that the clothes make the man, but do I believe that the surroundings make the girl?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment