gah

After a bit of thought, I decided not to delete the last post. Hopefully I don't sound as crazy as I felt. I've been trying to think of a good analogy for non-music people as to why I was upset; in terms of inanimate objects, I think pehaps a laptop is the closest analogy in terms of price and personal stuff, but it really was more like I had left a child or a loved one alone to fend for themself. After the bar guy ran after me and gave me my viola back and I realized what I had done, I was actually hugging it because I felt so much that I had abandoned something important.
The last time I did this was in Tucson, when I was a sophomore. I played in the Tucson Symphony's young artist competition and just really fucked it up badly. I played my concerto and had a major memory slip and was just kind of angry about it, and I was supposed to drive to Sedona right after the competition was over so I could have a lesson there the next morning. I was so preoccupied by my total fuckuppedness that I left my viola there, and thank god my friend Devin picked it up for me. As it was I drove most of the way to Phoenix before I figured it out and had to turn around. I don't know that I can explain how horrible that realization is, that something that's supposed to be there just isn't. Ugh... Okay, I'm going to finish my coffee and attempt to move on.