If I have a new year's resolution this year, it would be to stop getting in my own way. I had a small epiphany while driving from Flagstaff to Tucson over break: I am having problems buckling down musically because I hate being told what to do. Okay, there are situations in which that is probably good, where I shouldn't be docilely doing or believing whatever anybody tells me. But I react in the same ways towards teachers who try to help me play better. I tend to really, really want to do exactly the opposite of what they suggest. So my resolution is to realize that there are times when I should take the advice of others, critically but without this instant gut hatred of whatever they have suggested.
So far, I am only doing moderately well with this. I am trying to calm down, be very zen about things, but I lost my temper in orch repertoire class again today. I feel angry at myself, this is so foolish and is not helping me in any way. I suppose that I should remember this feeling for next week, so it can maybe prevent me from acting the same way again.
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1 comment:
release the ego
i was thinking about the same thing last week and that's what i came up with. it may not be your thing, but here it is anyway.
aaron
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