It's my last full day in Flagstaff. I've actually been having a somewhat easier time here than normal, not too much parental strife or anything going on. I've been spending a lot of time with the two people who I still know who live here, Emily and Jared, and I've just finally been taking some time to relax. I went on two hikes this week, the first by myself on a trail called "Fatman's Loop" and the second with Emily on a trail off of Schult's Pass Road. The first was nice because I've never actually been hiking by myself before; it's a much quieter experience, and I can freak out when big bugs land on me without anybody laughing at me. The second was just such a nice trail, leading up through trees to a big meadow and then suddenly ending in a very nice rocky promontory that looked out over the east side of town. Now, of course because I'm such a wimp, my legs are sore, but I truly enjoyed both days.
Tomorrow I'm driving to Tucson, and Anna and I are leaving on Sunday for San Diego. We'll stay there all of Monday and then take off for Santa Cruz Tuesday morning to stay with Jesse for a few days. We're driving him and his friend to San Francisco on the 2nd and camping there for a few days. A good friend of mine from high school gets back on the 3rd, so I think we're doing something on the 4th with her and then leaving the next day. We're taking two days to drive to Portland, camping and maybe hiking somewhere in the middle, and that's where our plans get a little muddy. A little while in Portland, a little while in Seattle (maybe staying with my ex-roommate Meredith if she ever writes me back), a little while in Vancouver and then somehow heading for Alaska. It's looking more and more like we're driving there, staying a few days, and then driving back partway and taking a ferry back to Vancouver. At least that's kind of the plan, we'll see what actually ends up happening.
I'm excited but as always a little apprehensive. I get so worried about money and time and all the little things that can go wrong. I hope I can use this trip to help myself become better at forgetting all those things, or at least not letting them ruin my enjoyment in this experience.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Saturday, June 18, 2005
colorado, my home sweet home
After a mostly lovely and interesting week in Colorado, I'm back in Flag again. We spent the last five days at a resort place in Pagosa Springs with my grandparents and uncle from BOulder, my aunt and uncle from Georgia, and my parents and sister. We went horseback riding (you are all allowed to laught at the image of me on a horse; it was fun but painful the next day), on a "scenic" (read long and slow) train ride, and rafting on a very mild stretch of the San Juan. I loved the rafting, as mostly tame as it was, and it made me really want to go on an actual legitimate more-than-two-hours-long trip someday. We also ate lunch in the town I was born in, Cortez, CO. I was born overlooking Highway 666, how ominous ius that?
The bad, or at least upsetting, parts of the trip were mostly family related. My uncle from Boulder had basically a temper tantrum on the night we all arrived, and we didn't actually see him come out of his room until Thursday. My grandfather has Alzheimer's, and it is terrible to see him so much worse off every year when we come to visit. I know that so much has been written or filmed about this, but it's so much worse to actually see someone you love begin to lose themselves. The last day I saw him, he made some totally random statement to me and then said "Don't pay any attention to me, no one else does." I felt like crying, it's so hard to see him knowing what's happening to him and having to just do what he still can anyway.
Anyway, I'm in Flag until next Friday, when I'm leaving for Tucson and then the road trip! I'll have a little internet while I'm gone but not much, so I probably won't be writing too often. But we'll see.
The bad, or at least upsetting, parts of the trip were mostly family related. My uncle from Boulder had basically a temper tantrum on the night we all arrived, and we didn't actually see him come out of his room until Thursday. My grandfather has Alzheimer's, and it is terrible to see him so much worse off every year when we come to visit. I know that so much has been written or filmed about this, but it's so much worse to actually see someone you love begin to lose themselves. The last day I saw him, he made some totally random statement to me and then said "Don't pay any attention to me, no one else does." I felt like crying, it's so hard to see him knowing what's happening to him and having to just do what he still can anyway.
Anyway, I'm in Flag until next Friday, when I'm leaving for Tucson and then the road trip! I'll have a little internet while I'm gone but not much, so I probably won't be writing too often. But we'll see.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
home again, home again
School's out for summer! Whooooo! I wrote a fifteen page paper on the appropriated masculinities of Elvis, John Travolta, and Michael Jackson, made my final annotated bibliography, and packed up all my crap and put it in storage beneath the condo I lived in. Also said good bye to all my friends (all four of them), which was kind of sad. But now I'm home in Flagstaff, missing Anna and waiting to go to Colorado tomorrow to "hang out" with all my relatives. It'll either be okay or insanely boring, I need to find another book to bring along in case of emergency. Hopefully it will at least have good scenery, anything with mountians rocks my world anayway.
After that, Anna and I will start our monster road trip, so the summer is looking up! Yay for trips! I watched the first half of The Motorcycle Diaries last night, made me want to just get going. Also made me want to tell my parents, "At least we have a running vehicle!" They are not so happy about the trip idea, but oh well.
After that, Anna and I will start our monster road trip, so the summer is looking up! Yay for trips! I watched the first half of The Motorcycle Diaries last night, made me want to just get going. Also made me want to tell my parents, "At least we have a running vehicle!" They are not so happy about the trip idea, but oh well.
Friday, June 03, 2005
workin' for a living
Whooo, Anna scored with her first Americorps interview! She got a job tutoring children and doing community outreach-type stuff with an organization called Project YES! for next year. It's funny, we worry so much about what to do right after we graduate, and she totally got a job on the first try. It's been really fun having her here, of course, spending too much money going out for breakfast and drinks and everything in between, really good times. I've seen more of Chicago in the past week than in the past month, which is also cool. I finally made it to Chicago's zine store, Quimby's, which is so fucking cool. I bought a few zines there, and maybe sometime I'll send in one of mine since they work on commission. All in all, a good week.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
books, books, books!
This is a quiz that my friend Jesse told me I had to fill out :-) Luckily, I have some free time tonight, so I was able to think in depth (or something) about my relationship to the books I love.
1. Total number of books owned: Umm, a lot? But not anywhere near as many as Jesse. In my room here in Illinois I have about 97 books, not counting library books or zines, and I have a crapload more that I left in Arizona. Maybe between 3 and 4 hundred total, I'd guess.
2. The last book I bought: Probably Male Impersonator: Men Performing Masculinity by Mark Simpson, for my gender class. Not a huge fan of this book, actually; I felt kind of ambivalent about a lot of his analysis, although I was hugely amused by his painstaking descriptions of all things masculine. An example from a description of the film Masters of the Universe: "...the baddy [Skeletor] is coded as a queer threat to He-Man's heterosexual virility: 'I'll have He-Man kneeling at my feet!' he vows, and plots to steal his gigantic sword... the key, it might be added, to control the universe. He-Man wins the day and thrusts his sword into the air, shouting 'I have the power!' as white lightning squirts out of its tip. This was kids' entertainment in the 1980's (26)."
3. The last book I read: Midnight Hour Encores, by Bruce Brooks, for relaxation in between other more serious things. It's a story about a self-sufficient (kind of) 17-year-old prodigy cellist, and her contentious relationships with her dad and her mom, who left her with her father when she was a day old. It's all about her trying to learn about hippies from her dad so she can understand her mom (who she's about to meet for the first time), and about playing the cello. My mom and I both read this books when I was maybe 13, and we've been arguing ever since about whether the main character is a bitch or just trying to keep her own best interests in mind. I love this book, as silly as it sometimes is, because every time I read it it gives me new ways of looking at the main character, which I think reflects on the ways I myself change in between readings. Plus some of the descriptions of classical music make me want to be a musician all over again.
4. Five books that mean a lot to me:
Number 1: In Search of Our Mothers' Gardens by Alice Walker. When the war in Iraq started, I had a period of total freakout brought on by the tensions between the pro-and-anti war people, the fact of war happening even when we tried so hard to stop it, and the fear that everybody I knew was going to wrongfully end up in jail. I read this book, and even though much of it isn't terribly happy it made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I love Alice Walker, she always brings me a sort of peace that I don't quite get any other way.
Number 2: Cunt: a declaration of independance by Inga Muscio. Damn, this book made me look at a lot of things in a whole new way. It inspired my first zine, and it made me respect my period and my body. It also has some very helpful reference lists in the back.
Number 3: Contact by Carl Sagan. This is another book I read when I feel like I'm losing faith in humanity, although I'm not entirely sure why. It's a kind of adventure novel mixed with the idea that there is a purpose to the universe. Some days, I need to think about that, I guess.
Number 4: Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey. My parents introduced me to The Monkey Wrench Gang sometime in high school, and I didn't much care for it. Then I read this book, and it just made me understand so many things that the other book left out or took for granted. I learned to love the desert very vicariously, through Abbey and Kingsolver and other people, before I learned to love it in person, and this was really influential in that process. I stole my parents' copy and bring it with me whenever I move.
Number 5: Waltzing the Cat by Pam Houston. The first story in this collection, "The Best Girlfriend You Never Had," is probably my all time favorite short story right now. Pam Houston makes me want to laugh and cry and throw up my arms and dance all at the same time. She's another person who made me love the outside world, and damn she's done a lot of hardcore stuff. She is a beautiful, beautiful writer.
5. Tag 5 people and have them fill this out in their journals: Umm, everybody I know with journals has already been lsited by Jesse. I guess if Lauren in California wants to do it, she can. Erica is, as Jesse noted, in Alaska, and thus exempt unless she feels like it and has a lot of internet time one day. I guess I pass on this one.
Yay for books! I love reading, I wish I could do it all the time. When I was in second grade, actually, I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a profession that would just pay me to read all day long. Thank you Jesse, for passing this quiz on.
1. Total number of books owned: Umm, a lot? But not anywhere near as many as Jesse. In my room here in Illinois I have about 97 books, not counting library books or zines, and I have a crapload more that I left in Arizona. Maybe between 3 and 4 hundred total, I'd guess.
2. The last book I bought: Probably Male Impersonator: Men Performing Masculinity by Mark Simpson, for my gender class. Not a huge fan of this book, actually; I felt kind of ambivalent about a lot of his analysis, although I was hugely amused by his painstaking descriptions of all things masculine. An example from a description of the film Masters of the Universe: "...the baddy [Skeletor] is coded as a queer threat to He-Man's heterosexual virility: 'I'll have He-Man kneeling at my feet!' he vows, and plots to steal his gigantic sword... the key, it might be added, to control the universe. He-Man wins the day and thrusts his sword into the air, shouting 'I have the power!' as white lightning squirts out of its tip. This was kids' entertainment in the 1980's (26)."
3. The last book I read: Midnight Hour Encores, by Bruce Brooks, for relaxation in between other more serious things. It's a story about a self-sufficient (kind of) 17-year-old prodigy cellist, and her contentious relationships with her dad and her mom, who left her with her father when she was a day old. It's all about her trying to learn about hippies from her dad so she can understand her mom (who she's about to meet for the first time), and about playing the cello. My mom and I both read this books when I was maybe 13, and we've been arguing ever since about whether the main character is a bitch or just trying to keep her own best interests in mind. I love this book, as silly as it sometimes is, because every time I read it it gives me new ways of looking at the main character, which I think reflects on the ways I myself change in between readings. Plus some of the descriptions of classical music make me want to be a musician all over again.
4. Five books that mean a lot to me:
Number 1: In Search of Our Mothers' Gardens by Alice Walker. When the war in Iraq started, I had a period of total freakout brought on by the tensions between the pro-and-anti war people, the fact of war happening even when we tried so hard to stop it, and the fear that everybody I knew was going to wrongfully end up in jail. I read this book, and even though much of it isn't terribly happy it made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I love Alice Walker, she always brings me a sort of peace that I don't quite get any other way.
Number 2: Cunt: a declaration of independance by Inga Muscio. Damn, this book made me look at a lot of things in a whole new way. It inspired my first zine, and it made me respect my period and my body. It also has some very helpful reference lists in the back.
Number 3: Contact by Carl Sagan. This is another book I read when I feel like I'm losing faith in humanity, although I'm not entirely sure why. It's a kind of adventure novel mixed with the idea that there is a purpose to the universe. Some days, I need to think about that, I guess.
Number 4: Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey. My parents introduced me to The Monkey Wrench Gang sometime in high school, and I didn't much care for it. Then I read this book, and it just made me understand so many things that the other book left out or took for granted. I learned to love the desert very vicariously, through Abbey and Kingsolver and other people, before I learned to love it in person, and this was really influential in that process. I stole my parents' copy and bring it with me whenever I move.
Number 5: Waltzing the Cat by Pam Houston. The first story in this collection, "The Best Girlfriend You Never Had," is probably my all time favorite short story right now. Pam Houston makes me want to laugh and cry and throw up my arms and dance all at the same time. She's another person who made me love the outside world, and damn she's done a lot of hardcore stuff. She is a beautiful, beautiful writer.
5. Tag 5 people and have them fill this out in their journals: Umm, everybody I know with journals has already been lsited by Jesse. I guess if Lauren in California wants to do it, she can. Erica is, as Jesse noted, in Alaska, and thus exempt unless she feels like it and has a lot of internet time one day. I guess I pass on this one.
Yay for books! I love reading, I wish I could do it all the time. When I was in second grade, actually, I spent a lot of time trying to come up with a profession that would just pay me to read all day long. Thank you Jesse, for passing this quiz on.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
a few things
I've been pretty busy lately, so I haven't been updating so much. But here's some things that have happened to me lately:
- Anna will be here on Thursday to do job interviews/help me move/hang out. Yay!!! There's going to be a fetish-themed drag show on Friday, which we will certainly be attending.
- I picked a topic for my gender final paper! I'm going to discuss several iconic-type men who presented a somewhat unorthodox masculinity (Elvis and John Travolta for sure, and someone else not yet picked) and then examine drag performers of those men and what that entails.
- Every friend I made here this year (all two of them, when you define friend as "someone I regularly schedule into my life and hang out with in some non-school capacity") is moving away and won't be here next year. :-(
- The last time I got my period, I counted six weeks ahead and made a prediction of when I thought I would get it again, and I was on to the very day. I don't know if my mind could prevent my body from having it until I wanted it to or something, but I was really amazed by that.
- I went to an exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry called "Body Worlds" that was basically a bunch of cadavers treated with plastic and displayed to show off various organ systems and things like that. Somewhat disturbing (some things really grossed me out, like the man holding his own skin), mostly I just felt really bothered by the way things were displayed. There was some weirdness in the different portrayals of men and women, and I just felt odd looking at these sometimes-humorous corpses, like it was voyeuristic and not serving the purpose that perhaps the makers intended. This is the website, if you want to know more: http://www.bodyworlds.com/en/pages/home.asp
- I picked out my recital program and approximate time for next year! For anyone who cares, this is what I'll be playing: the Eccles Sonata (baroque-ish), the Stravinsky Elegy, Brahms E-flat Sonata, Schumann's Fairytales, and La Campanella by Paganini. Whew, all from memory, that will be a trip. I'm planning on the end of February, as that is basically my month off from Civic orchestra.
Basically, things have been good, just busy and sometimes stressful, which I guess is the nature of school. Many things are kind of ending in the next few days, and then Anna will be here an it'll be a whole different kind of craziness. But good, and I'll make it through this to the summer.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
melancholy
Anna graduated yesterday, which was happy because she's done! but sad because I wasn't there. I really wish I could be in Tucson right now being all happy and carefree, instead of here with lots of homework that I am not doing. I am glad that I won't be here much longer, I've about reached the limits of how long I can stand to be away from so many people and places that I love so much. It's just kind of a blah night, I guess, full of impossible wishes. It refuses to stay warm here for more than two days at a time, and I miss Anna, and I just want something good and comforting to happen to me.
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