Sunday, July 27, 2008

bearable lightness

I've been feeling really great lately, if you can't tell. I feel so much more passionate about a lot of things than I have for a long time: biking, being outdoors, getting up kinda early and drinking coffee by myself, trying new recipes, writing... Even things that I never stopped loving, like reading really great writing, have taken on an exciting glow that they've been missing. I feel bad in some ways (quite a few ways, actually), because I know that this is partially-to-mostly a side effect of being by myself and I feel guilty for feeling so goddamn good about something that was significantly painful for both myself and for Tabitha, but I can't help it. Even though I really did and do love her, I can tell that this is better. That's hard to say, but I can feel it even in my body, like a physical sensation of well-being. It actually feels quite a bit like how I felt when we feel in love, just delirious and energetic and thrilled to death by any new development that came around, which I think means that the relationship had just run its course. I feel like I'm coming back into myself after a long winter. I can feel happiness welling up inside of me; it's almost creepy, or it would be if it didn't feel awesome.

6 comments:

pulley-whipped said...

you're very prolific lately.

ammie said...

Living alone tends to give me a lot of free time.

erica said...

i'm glad you're writing :)

ammie said...

thanks :)

pulley-whipped said...

it definitely sounds like you're using your time constructively. kudos.

i've been meaning to check out the "forest preserves" m'self someday. but i need to fix my bike first...

ammie said...

Yeah, I actually realized the other day that I never asked how your bike fared! How much damage was there?