I'm realizing this week that blogging more has drawn my attention to the cyclicity of my life. Is it spring or fall? Expect a post about how much I love to walk, followed a few weeks later (if it's spring) by one about biking. Winter? Soup recipes. April? Posts about flowers. End of May? Let's have another goodbye to orchestral playing!
But cyclicity isn't necessarily a bad thing. Flowers, walking, biking, music: these are all things I love, and I'm glad to periodically revisit them. I'm constantly re-assessing my relationships to things, re-articulating my thoughts about what I love and what I don't. I find it comforting that my life is stable enough that I can acknowledge it's cyclic nature and pay attention to the seasons and years passing. It makes me feel alert within my own life.
The other day I walked outside and had to seriously restrain myself from throwing my arms up into the warm air and spinning around in circles a few times. Because it's spring, and the feel of the breeze on my skin overwhelmed me and I felt my heart pump hard a few times, and I wanted to acknowledge those feelings with some sort of physical action. I didn't; I've indulged in triumphant spring arm raising a few times on back streets, but spinning on a crowded weekend street was a bit much for me. (I demonstrated the spin later for a co-worker and she laughed pretty hard, which made me a little glad I'd smothered my earlier instinct. Although I guess it would make my day if I saw somebody express physical joy like that, so maybe next time I should just do it.) I restrain the same impulse--the arm raising, not the spinning--on my bicycle when I break it out, which I haven't much yet because the weather is just perfect for walking and I'm a compulsive foot traveller when I get the chance. But I feel, once again, full to bursting. I love living in a place that has a spring because it makes me want to jump around, spin in circles, make a fool out of myself but not care because oh, the sunshine...!
I'm going to be nice to myself this summer. I'm excited. It's going to be good. It's going to be a spinning kind of year, I hope.