Yesterday, I had an arrangement I was trying to make figuratively explode all over me. I was trying to use a technique that I'd never actually done before, only watched (it involves making a grid of clear tape over the mouth of the vase and then arranging things inside the grid), but it was still clear that I hadn't even made wise flower choices. I had to call in a more-experienced co-worker to save my centerpiece and spare me the wrath of the soon-to-be-returning customer. (She was, thankfully, very kind about doing this.)
In and of itself, this isn't that important. Everybody fucks up sometimes, and I was trying to do something that I really had no idea how to do, so it's not that surprising that it didn't work well. But it was definitely a moment of reflection for me; it reminded me that I'm twenty-six and working in a flower shop, and that even in this (my one really marketable skill) I still have a lot of holes. I basically had one of those pathetic self-reflexive moments where you think, "My god, two college degrees and I'm sweeping a floor for $x an hour!" All of my co-workers are younger than me, and this just isn't where I was expecting to end up.
But I know I'm not "ending up" here, just kind of here for now, and mostly I enjoy it. I like working with flowers and plants, and I get a sleazy capitalist thrill from subtly getting people to buy candles or green cleaning products. Lately, I even have ideas about what I'm going to do next, which I haven't for a while, so that's exciting. It could definitely be worse in a million different ways. I'm just on the downswing of last week's emotional high, or I'm realizing I'm going to have less time off from now on, or I'm stressed out about something. It could be any of those, really.