lack

I feel at a loss for words lately, hence my lack of regular posting. I feel like there are words and words and words bubbling inside of me, but nothing is quite ready to come out into the open. When I myself feel blocked off, I feel so much more emotional about other people's words; I feel more acutely because I cannot say anything myself. Along those lines, here's an Ani song that I had never heard until recently, that made me pause and feel full of that longing/lack for a moment. Mostly just the first six lines or so, but all of it a little bit.

she says forget what you have to do
pretend there is nothing
outside this room
and like an idea she came to me
but she came too late
or maybe too soon
i said please try not to love me
close your eyes, i'm turning on the light
you know i have no vacancy
and it's awfully cold outside tonight
the rain stains the brick a darker red
slowly i'm rolling out of her bed
the rain stains the streets a darker black
i dress my face in stone
because i can't go back
i feel her eyes watching me
from behind the curtain of her hair
and she says i'm sorry
i didn't mean to stare
i say i think i really have to go now
but oh baby, maybe someday
maybe somehow.

In other news, I mailed off some zines today (finally!) so whoever wanted one and gave me an address should be getting one sometime pretty soon.