Even though Halloween is a holiday that I generally and conceptually appreciate, I don't have a particularly good history of Chicago Halloweens. Memorable highlights have included getting chastised (at length) by a surprisingly angry drag king about my lack of costume, multiple multiple multiple Civic concerts (that's not bad actually; it's usually one of my favorite concerts, but it is time-consuming), and a breakup. It hasn't all been bad, but there hasn't really been anything really awesome, at least on the day of. Also, I've never dressed up beyond the bare minimum required for the previously mentioned concerts, mostly through laziness/lack of preparation.
But this year, I'm ready with a costume and at least one party to go to tonight, and I'm actually pretty excited. I like my costume (especially the fact that the most expensive part of it was some baby's breath from Jewel), I'm seeing people I enjoy being around, and there should be plenty of good photo opportunities. So here's hoping for a redemptive Halloween.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
ms. thesaurus
My parents sent me a box of Halloween candy, which I finally managed to pick up from the post office today. Unfortunately, many of the peanut butter-filled eyeballs had melted or been otherwise harmed during transit, so it's kind of a gooey package. But still, they sent me pop rocks! and pixie stix :)
But now on to what I really meant to talk about: big words. Apparently I use them a lot. At the end of a rather boring day at the flower shop, my somewhat overworked co-worker briefly lost control of her mocking impulse and made fun of me for using unnecessarily big words, and specifically the word "disconcerted."
Although it is admittedly a little shocking to be mocked to my face ("My name is Ammie! I use "disconcerted" aaaaaall the time!" is more or less what I remember), mostly I'm just kind of... See, disconcerted would work perfectly there, right? But really, now I just wonder if this really is something that many people think about me, and how I feel about that. I don't really see the point of not using big words, but now I can't decide what constitutes "big" and what is merely "larger-than-small." Or, if you prefer, "excessive" as opposed to merely "sizable." Or something.
It reminds me of a story my dad likes to tell about me: When I was a kid, maybe in third grade, I told my parents that I had to try not to use big words so that the other kids could understand me and I would be able to make friends more easily. Is a large vocabulary really that off-putting? Does it form more communication barriers, at least sometimes, than it expands? I'm not planning on dumbing myself down this time, but perhaps I'll be a little more wary of "disconcerted" and keep my ears open.
But now on to what I really meant to talk about: big words. Apparently I use them a lot. At the end of a rather boring day at the flower shop, my somewhat overworked co-worker briefly lost control of her mocking impulse and made fun of me for using unnecessarily big words, and specifically the word "disconcerted."
Although it is admittedly a little shocking to be mocked to my face ("My name is Ammie! I use "disconcerted" aaaaaall the time!" is more or less what I remember), mostly I'm just kind of... See, disconcerted would work perfectly there, right? But really, now I just wonder if this really is something that many people think about me, and how I feel about that. I don't really see the point of not using big words, but now I can't decide what constitutes "big" and what is merely "larger-than-small." Or, if you prefer, "excessive" as opposed to merely "sizable." Or something.
It reminds me of a story my dad likes to tell about me: When I was a kid, maybe in third grade, I told my parents that I had to try not to use big words so that the other kids could understand me and I would be able to make friends more easily. Is a large vocabulary really that off-putting? Does it form more communication barriers, at least sometimes, than it expands? I'm not planning on dumbing myself down this time, but perhaps I'll be a little more wary of "disconcerted" and keep my ears open.
Monday, October 27, 2008
shiny
I think I got more than six hours of sleep last night, although in order to pass that mark I'm pretty sure I have to include the nap I couldn't resist taking before actually going to bed a few hours later. Note to self: an hour-and-a-half nap at night will lead to me not falling asleep until after 2 AM, no matter how tired I was to begin with. But regardless of how the hours broke down, I feel much better today. Yesterday I was actually slightly nauseous at work from lack of sleep, and today I feel pretty bright and shiny, albeit unwashed and lazy.
And that's all! Being incredibly tired doesn't lead to good stories or the sort of thought required to talk about books or movies or even food. Too bad.
And that's all! Being incredibly tired doesn't lead to good stories or the sort of thought required to talk about books or movies or even food. Too bad.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
adult sex ed
It really does seem like my gender studies (self) education is going mostly towards correcting misconceptions of straight guys in bars lately. There was the porn discussion two weeks ago, and last night the topic was first sex toys (how many women own them? really?!?!) (actually I have no idea, but most people I know anyway) and then whether or not women are really more difficult to bring to orgasm than men (sigh). Is it because I'm totally willing to talk about these kinds of things? Are other people not? Is it because I'm queer? Is it because I'm getting hit on? (My friend Matt claims that if he were single and initiated a conversation about sex, it would definitely be him making some sort of move, which I guess makes sense. And boys do seem to have a thing for me lately.) Some of the above? None? I don't know. It's fun, but getting a little predictable.
In other news, I found a twenty on the floor of my store yesterday and a new bookshelf (much needed!) on the way home from work. It was a good night.
In other news, I found a twenty on the floor of my store yesterday and a new bookshelf (much needed!) on the way home from work. It was a good night.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
look me in the heart
Sometimes I hate it when the internet pins me down so precisely and heartlessly. This is an email from the "compare people" function on facebook. It's my most-voted weak point that gets me.
Your friends have voted on your strengths and weaknesses:
STRENGTHS:
best travel companion
most loyal
best mannered
WEAKNESSES:
nicest
Your friends have voted on your strengths and weaknesses:
STRENGTHS:
best travel companion
most loyal
best mannered
WEAKNESSES:
nicest
dreaming of feta
I'm too tired this morning for too much in the way of flowery language, at least most likely. I've been averaging about six hours of sleep a night, which has actually been just fine until today. It's been relatively easy to fall asleep (around 1, usually) and wake up (usually around 7), and I haven't felt particularly tired or cranky. But this morning, my brain is a little slow, and I'm thinking tomorrow is the morning to sleep in until 8 or even (gasp) 9 and hope it doesn't throw my whole schedule off again. This is actually almost exactly what my high school sleep schedule was like, and that gives me less faith in the wisdom of sleeping in than I'd like to have.
Anyway...
Last night Madeleine came over in the rain and bearing a lovely bottle of red wine, and we made a slew of new recipes. Here's the menu:
Green salad with lemon dressing (lemon juice, olive oil, minced garlic, salt, pepper, a tiny bit of sugar)
Basil-feta-pine nut muffins
Spaghetti squash with red sauce, walnuts, and mozzarella
Lemon tofu pie with raspberry coulis (made from raspberries I picked in Michigan!)
And happily, even with all of the new recipes, everything turned out well. I was, however, particularly pleased with the muffins, because I modified a recipe and was completely happy with the results.
When I was in Alaska, I bought a pesto pine nut muffin (or something like that) and was kind of disappointed by how dry it was. (Sorry, Black Bear. But my muffins kicked your muffins' asses.) But I'd been scheming ever since and finally decided to give it a shot. I found a recipe online for sundried tomato muffins that could be modified, so I messed with it and here's the result.
Basil-Feta-Pine Nut Muffins
1/2 cup plain cottage cheese
1/2 cup feta cheese, crumbled
1/2 cup parmesan cheese, freshly grated
1/4 cup flour (this can be made with soy flour for gluten reasons, but I just used all-purpose)
1 cup almonds, very finely ground (I used almond flour, but you can apparently just whizz up some almonds in the blender)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 cup toasted pine nuts
1/4 cup basil, finely chopped
1/4 cup water
4 eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 teaspoon salt
Just mix it all together and bake in a pre-heated 400-degree oven for 30-35 minutes until set and golden on top. Makes nine muffins. Let them cool before eating. So moist and delicious and tangy! I'm definitely going to try this base with other ingredients.
Anyway...
Last night Madeleine came over in the rain and bearing a lovely bottle of red wine, and we made a slew of new recipes. Here's the menu:
Green salad with lemon dressing (lemon juice, olive oil, minced garlic, salt, pepper, a tiny bit of sugar)
Basil-feta-pine nut muffins
Spaghetti squash with red sauce, walnuts, and mozzarella
Lemon tofu pie with raspberry coulis (made from raspberries I picked in Michigan!)
And happily, even with all of the new recipes, everything turned out well. I was, however, particularly pleased with the muffins, because I modified a recipe and was completely happy with the results.
When I was in Alaska, I bought a pesto pine nut muffin (or something like that) and was kind of disappointed by how dry it was. (Sorry, Black Bear. But my muffins kicked your muffins' asses.) But I'd been scheming ever since and finally decided to give it a shot. I found a recipe online for sundried tomato muffins that could be modified, so I messed with it and here's the result.
Basil-Feta-Pine Nut Muffins
1/2 cup plain cottage cheese
1/2 cup feta cheese, crumbled
1/2 cup parmesan cheese, freshly grated
1/4 cup flour (this can be made with soy flour for gluten reasons, but I just used all-purpose)
1 cup almonds, very finely ground (I used almond flour, but you can apparently just whizz up some almonds in the blender)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 cup toasted pine nuts
1/4 cup basil, finely chopped
1/4 cup water
4 eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 teaspoon salt
Just mix it all together and bake in a pre-heated 400-degree oven for 30-35 minutes until set and golden on top. Makes nine muffins. Let them cool before eating. So moist and delicious and tangy! I'm definitely going to try this base with other ingredients.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
love, theoretically
Lately I've been thinking a lot about love. I will admit, some of this has been spawned by the vampire romance books; I mentioned love nostalgia the last time I wrote about them, but really it's something that's been on my mind for a while.
To be clear: I am pretty happy being single, at least for now. In fact, I think that the mere fact that this subject has been preoccupying me is reason enough to stay completely single for a bit longer. I feel almost like dating would be dangerous. Because... Okay. It's not to say that I don't miss T, because I do. But in many ways, the reasons that we broke up have made that part of things a little easier than I'd like to admit. And also, after a certain amount of time that type of missing is obviously going to start to fade away as I begin to move on and re-form my life in, if you will, my own image. That makes sense, and that's essentially how it's been playing out. Anyway, as much as I miss her sometimes, I'm increasingly aware that I also miss plain old love, and that doesn't seem to be fading away. I am nostalgic about it, for gross mushy stuff like the way it feels to kiss and be kissed, for the joy of seeing somebody I love romantically and the way it makes me feel all sparkly, for those first few months when I'm sure everybody on the bus with me knows I'm just sitting there thinking about sex. But I want to fall in love the next time because I meet somebody excellent, not because I want to feel sparkly. What I worry about is that the desire for those things, the longing that intellectually has just more to do with me myself than with the person who helps me feel them, will influence my actions and make it harder for me to retain my clarity and my single-ness. Which is what I want, really. I swear.
I'm frequently in the position in my life where I feel like I can see and analyze what I'm thinking fairly clearly, but it's a source of eternal frustration to me that it doesn't necessarily do me any good. I can see the love nostalgia nesting in my brain and I know that's why, for instance, I'm reading a vampire romance novel and giggling (yes, nostalgically) at the cheesy, cheesy dialogue. It also means that I recognize that partly this is desire for external validation (which is something that happens but which I would rather not have as my driving force for so many actions) and partly it's a desire for safety and partly it's hormones and on and on. But that doesn't mean I can make it go away. And until it does, I'm somewhat hesitant to try my hand at even casual dating, despite the fact that I feel otherwise pretty together and fairly capable of not moving in with somebody in the next two weeks. Perhaps I'm just over-thinking? It's been known to happen.
To be clear: I am pretty happy being single, at least for now. In fact, I think that the mere fact that this subject has been preoccupying me is reason enough to stay completely single for a bit longer. I feel almost like dating would be dangerous. Because... Okay. It's not to say that I don't miss T, because I do. But in many ways, the reasons that we broke up have made that part of things a little easier than I'd like to admit. And also, after a certain amount of time that type of missing is obviously going to start to fade away as I begin to move on and re-form my life in, if you will, my own image. That makes sense, and that's essentially how it's been playing out. Anyway, as much as I miss her sometimes, I'm increasingly aware that I also miss plain old love, and that doesn't seem to be fading away. I am nostalgic about it, for gross mushy stuff like the way it feels to kiss and be kissed, for the joy of seeing somebody I love romantically and the way it makes me feel all sparkly, for those first few months when I'm sure everybody on the bus with me knows I'm just sitting there thinking about sex. But I want to fall in love the next time because I meet somebody excellent, not because I want to feel sparkly. What I worry about is that the desire for those things, the longing that intellectually has just more to do with me myself than with the person who helps me feel them, will influence my actions and make it harder for me to retain my clarity and my single-ness. Which is what I want, really. I swear.
I'm frequently in the position in my life where I feel like I can see and analyze what I'm thinking fairly clearly, but it's a source of eternal frustration to me that it doesn't necessarily do me any good. I can see the love nostalgia nesting in my brain and I know that's why, for instance, I'm reading a vampire romance novel and giggling (yes, nostalgically) at the cheesy, cheesy dialogue. It also means that I recognize that partly this is desire for external validation (which is something that happens but which I would rather not have as my driving force for so many actions) and partly it's a desire for safety and partly it's hormones and on and on. But that doesn't mean I can make it go away. And until it does, I'm somewhat hesitant to try my hand at even casual dating, despite the fact that I feel otherwise pretty together and fairly capable of not moving in with somebody in the next two weeks. Perhaps I'm just over-thinking? It's been known to happen.
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